In the early stages of healing, I found this to be the most infuriating, heart wrenching injustice. Why do I have to set boundaries? Why do I have to (re-)learn basic life skills when it’s my caretakers’ fault for not teaching them to me?? How is it fair that the burden of healing is placed on the person who has been wounded?
It is enraging to know that after it all, after all of the pain, the abuse, the neglect–the survivor is the one who must shoulder the burden of healing.
And as I learned: it is VITAL in our healing process to sit with this fury. We must have time to feel through how unfair it feels. We must have a safe place to kick and scream and cry and throw the temper tantrums we never had the space to.
But we cannot stay here. Or maybe more accurately–because we can feel this forever–this feeling of injustice and powerlessness cannot be our end goal. We must work to reconcile this injustice with our expectations. Painful it may be. We make no progress until we come to terms with this.
Know this, though: Something being YOUR responsibility does not mean that you go it alone. It just means that you must put the initial & sustained effort into locating the resources, people, and emotional skills that can help you heal. You NEED to rely on community support to heal from trauma. But only you are the initiator of that change. Only you are responsible for digesting + applying the lessons you learn.
Set a goal to recognize the power you can play in disrupting your cycles of despair & self-destruction. It’s not that you are to blame for your own suffering. It’s that you have the power to break the cycle & heal.
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